because you’ve been getting off too easy for too long (for trent, who the title does not apply to)


patrick-leger-2I’ve been thinking about you for 15 years now, and about your vinyl-wrapped couch and your tweed upholstered library chair and your bed sheets. And I am not that good at mind control–yet–so I’ll just say it; you should not be sitting when you read this. You should not be eating lunch or scratching yourself wherever, I don’t even want to know, or toggling away to look at pictures of kittens. This is better than kittens, and I am, frankly, insulted.

I’m serious. On your feet.

Really, just because I have never and will never land a touchdown in my underweight-philosophy-major life does not mean that you should not be wearing, like, 10 giant foam fingers and heckling my enemies right now. You should be goddamn head banging to this; you should read it twenty times and then scream along at the page with every word, adding air-guitar riffs when I really kick your ass.

You don’t even do this for Faulkner.

You don’t even do this for James the-twelve-inch-literary-cock Joyce.

You do this for Shakespeare, and I am stupendously jealous, because I want someone to love me enough to be dress up in pantyhose and pretend to be sixteenth century transsexual. I want someone to love me enough to wait for seven hours in the ass cold to hear me say half a word on a loudspeaker six miles of Washington away. I want someone to love me enough to do backflips off of towers of identically-dressed women and fall to the ground in convulsions and take off their clothes in public.

I do this for you, and I want you to love me enough to do stand up.

Art by Patrick Leger


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: